Old Sayings

nontypical

Ten Pointer
Any of you guys got any old sayings you'd like to share. I use to work with an older guy who was full of them. If someone looked like they didn't know where they were going he'd say "that fellow is lost as last years easter eggs". Or if we were talking with someone who knew everything and had done all there was to be done he would say "that man has done everything but kill a dead man and burn up a fish pond". I texted him yesterday to see how he was doing and he replied back "doing okay, looking at leaves and not roots". Anyways he had a bunch of em.
 

stiab

Twelve Pointer
Contributor
I love them and years ago started making a list of the ones from my childhood, not sure I can find it now. My father used them frequently, and one was "as the crow flies". We all know what that means, but it was not until a few years ago at a maritime museum in Charleston, SC that I learned that it has a nautical origin.

The old sailing ships would carry crows and release one when they thought they were near land. If the crow circled and landed back on the ship it meant there was no land nearby. If it flew straight away there was land in that direction even if it was out of human sight. The old folks knew what they were doing.
 

dobber

Old Mossy Horns
Probably 25 years ago i had the utmost pleasure of hunting with an old timer, he was in his 80's then and still enjoyed the outdoors and was very active and put a lot of the younger guys to shame when hiking up some of the ridges. A man of very few words though, but he gave us all some advice that will forever stick with me:
Theres 3 things in life that are certain
  1. death
  2. Taxes
  3. there's always cold :donk:donk:donk:donk in a dead dog

Just struck me as funny and gave me an insight to his humor
 

nchunt101

Ten Pointer
I am ashamed to say most of the old saying I have picked up over the years are far from family friendly.
Hotter than two mice **ing in a wool sock
Raining harder than a two **ed cow pissing on a flat rock
 

waitup

Four Pointer
My grandmother used to warn us about things fresh from the oven or on the stove by saying "be careful, that's hot as 40 eleven"
 

nontypical

Ten Pointer
He and I worked together for about 5 years, but I have since changed jobs and have been away from him for about 5 years so alot of them I have forgot. But some others I remember are: If we saw a fat bottom girl walking he would say "looks like two shultz wrestling in a guander sack". Or if somebody said something really off the wall or hard to believe he would say "that beats all I've ever heard of, and I've been to a frog friggen, a goat rodeo, and 3 World Fairs". I miss working with that guy. He is set to retire this December. I'm sure he will put many many miles on his Road King!
 

Crappie_Hunter

Twelve Pointer
Contributor
Thought of a couple good ones from some of my old coaches... "couldn't hit water if he fell out of a boat", "couldn't catch a cold",
 

Familyman

Twelve Pointer
My dad had a bunch of em. Here are just a few that come to mind:
  • Handy as a side-pocket on a shirt.
  • Useless as a last-year's bird nest.
  • Colder than a well-digger's elbow.
  • Solemn as a judge.
  • Meaner than a snake.
  • Fast as greased lightning.
  • Madder than an old wet hen.
  • More ways than a country boy can go to town.
  • My get up and go done got up and went.
  • Can't??? Can't never did s#%t 'til he tried.
 

Part-time hunter

Ten Pointer
Frank Sinatra as a private eye in the movie Tony Rome was buddies with Detective O'Malley. When he saw a rather shapely women walking away he said, "That reminds me, I need to get O'Malley's kid a catchers mitt."
 

Weekender

Twelve Pointer
Uncle Ted

My great great great Uncle Ted helped guide an inexperienced hunter to get his first turkey. Afterwards, he described the hunter as being so proud that, "Teddy Roosevelt's vest wouldn't fit him."

Ted also came in the hunt cabin one cold day, stood in front of the hot stove, complained of the weather outside and said, "It's freezing outside and I don't have enough fat on my --- to fry my ears!"

His grandson, a teen at the time, pulled into the driveway and complained to his dad that he needed a third car. Ted said, "You need three cars like you need three --- holes." Cousin Wayne was like one of the Duke boys but in real life, always trying to outrun a speeding ticket.

Uncle Ted saw one of my dad's brothers, who has a huge appetite, going to town on his dinner plate and remarked, "'Deed, I fear that one day you will eat more than you can ----."

When it was rainy, foggy, and cold during deer season, Uncle Ted said it was "an old forester day." Meaning, it was not a day for a hardcore old forester to hunt, but a day to stay inside and drink Old Forester bourbon.

Pap, my maternal GF.

I was sweeping and mopping the general store floor for my maternal grandfather and I had a big dip of snuff in. I went and spit in the trash can and he made a face full of disgust and said, "Boy, your face looks like a bear's --- in blackberry season."

When it was really cold, he would say it was cold enough to freeze the ----- off a brass monkey.

If anyone used profanity of an explicit sexual nature in his store, he'd bellow at the top of his lungs, "Get out of here, you filthy, dirty dog." Sometimes, his son would use that kind of dirty talk around the house and he'd tell his own son the same thing. "Aw, you filthy, dirty dog!"

He got wind that one of my mom's friends in HS was going to marry her 1st cousin. He counseled my mom to have a straight talk with her. So Mom did and the girl thought about it for a week and then reported back. She told my mom that her and the groom discussed the matter and decided since Grandma and Grandpa were dead, they were no longer related.
When someone displayed a level of stupidity like in the aforementioned story, he'd insult them simply by saying, "Aw, ya dumb ---!"
 

Mechanic Bob

Eight Pointer
Dumber than a Box of Rocks.
IQ of a house plant.
Looks like a Monkey doing a math problem.
Looks like a Monkey playing the Bongos.
Can't get there for here.
 

stiab

Twelve Pointer
Contributor
From my LEO days:

"Dead as a hammer"
"Sweating like a Georgia convict"
"An expert is any SOB from out of town with a brief case"
"He could run like a scalded dog"
 

shaggy

Old Mossy Horns
One i picked up from.my dad was when he would send me to look for something as a kid sometimes is would just glance real quick and miss it. He would go find it easily and say

"if it was a snake it would have bit ya"
 

nontypical

Ten Pointer
Another one I just thought of, we worked with another guy who was big, strong, but a little clumsy. He broke something by accident (I don't even remember what it was). My old friend said "damn son, you could break the corners of an anvil"
 

JONOV

Twelve Pointer
When it was really cold, he would say it was cold enough to freeze the ----- off a brass monkey.
That one has a nautical history too. They used to stack cannon balls in brass racks. When it got really cold, they'd contract and pop the balls off.

"I bet he's feelin lower than a well digger's shoes."

From my great uncle, who was a big time hot-rodder and racer, "Keep the shiny side up!"

Hanging on a plaque at my Great Grandparents, "We get too soon oldt undt too late schmardt."

On my other Great Grandmother's refrigerator, "Nie moj cyrk, nie moje malpy." (Not my circus, not my monkeys.) That one I have to tell my Dad about sometimes, "Dad, that's not your circus, don't worry yourself with the feed and care of their monkeys."

Another one I don't hear a whole lot anymore, and I think its related to a German saying, is referring to someone that's acting insulted when they shouldn't be as a Sausage.
 
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