Laughter Is The Best Medicine

Homebrewale

Old Mossy Horns
An elderly Italian Jew wanted to unburden his guilty conscience by talking to his Rabbi.
"Rabbi, during World War II, when the Germans entered Italy, I pretended to be a Catholic
and changed my name from Levy to Spumoni, and I am alive today because of it."

"Self preservation is allowable, and the fact that you never forgot that you were a Jew is admirable," said the Rabbi.
"Rabbi, during the war, a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans.
I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."

"That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to feel guilty."
"It's worse, Rabbi. I was weak and told her she must repay me with sexual favors, which she did, repeatedly."
"You were both in great danger and would have suffered terribly if the Germans had found her.
There is a favorable balance between good and evil, and you will be judged kindly.
Give up your feelings of guilt."
"Thank you, Rabbi. That's a great load off my mind. But I have one more question."
"And what is that?"
"Should I tell her the war is over?"
 

Homebrewale

Old Mossy Horns
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles,
but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept
screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like.. "Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!"
 
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