*I WAS DRINKING AT A BAR SO I TOOK A BUS HOME. THAT MAY NOT SEEM LIKE A BIG DEAL TO YOU, BUT I'VE NEVER DRIVEN A BUS BEFORE.
*I THOUGHT GETTING OLDER WOULD TAKE LONGER.
*A WISE MAN ONCE SAID NOTHING.
*RESPECT YOUR ELDERS; THEY GRADUATED SCHOOL WITHOUT THE INTERNET.
*I'VE DECIDED I'M NOT OLD; I'M 25 PLUS SHIPPING AND HANDLING.
*WHY DO I HAVE TO PRESS "1" FOR ENGLISH? DID AMERICA MOVE?
*WE HAVE ENOUGH GUN CONTROL; WHAT WE NEED IS IDIOT CONTROL.
*BEHIND EVERY ANGRY WOMAN STANDS A MAN WHO HAS ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT HE DID WRONG.
*INSTEAD OF "SINGLE" AS A MARITAL STATUS I PREFER "INDEPENDENTLY OWNED AND OPERATED".
*PATIENCE: WHAT YOU HAVE WHEN THERE ARE TOO MANY WITNESSES.
*LET'S STOP SENDING MONEY TO OTHER COUNTRIES AND LET THEM HATE US FOR FREE.
*VEGETARIAN: ANCIENT TRIBAL NAME FOR THE VILLAGE IDIOT WHO CAN'T HUNT, FISH OR LIGHT FIRES!
*I LOOK AT PEOPLE AND SOMETIMES THINK...."REALLY? THAT'S THE SPERM THAT WON?"
*IN MY DEFENSE I WAS LEFT UNSUPERVISED.
*IF GUNS KILL PEOPLE, THEN PENCILS MISSPELL WORDS, CARS MAKE PEOPLE DRIVE DRUNK, AND SPOONS MAKE PEOPLE FAT.
*MY DECISION-MAKING SKILLS CLOSELY RESEMBLE THOSE OF A SQUIRREL WHEN CROSSING THE ROAD.
*SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER LEFT UNSAID. AND I USUALLY REALIZE IT RIGHT AFTER I SAY THEM.
*WE OWE ILLEGALS NOTHING; WE OWE OUR VETERANS EVERYTHING.
*CAMPING: WHERE YOU SPEND A SMALL FORTUNE TO LIVE LIKE A HOMELESS PERSON.
*IF MY BODY IS EVER FOUND ON A JOGGING TRAIL JUST KNOW THAT I WAS MURDERED SOMEWHERE ELSE AND DUMPED THERE.
*IF MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL, WHY DO CHURCHES BEG FOR IT?
*I THOUGHT GETTING OLDER WOULD TAKE LONGER.
*A WISE MAN ONCE SAID NOTHING.
*RESPECT YOUR ELDERS; THEY GRADUATED SCHOOL WITHOUT THE INTERNET.
*I'VE DECIDED I'M NOT OLD; I'M 25 PLUS SHIPPING AND HANDLING.
*WHY DO I HAVE TO PRESS "1" FOR ENGLISH? DID AMERICA MOVE?
*WE HAVE ENOUGH GUN CONTROL; WHAT WE NEED IS IDIOT CONTROL.
*BEHIND EVERY ANGRY WOMAN STANDS A MAN WHO HAS ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT HE DID WRONG.
*INSTEAD OF "SINGLE" AS A MARITAL STATUS I PREFER "INDEPENDENTLY OWNED AND OPERATED".
*PATIENCE: WHAT YOU HAVE WHEN THERE ARE TOO MANY WITNESSES.
*LET'S STOP SENDING MONEY TO OTHER COUNTRIES AND LET THEM HATE US FOR FREE.
*VEGETARIAN: ANCIENT TRIBAL NAME FOR THE VILLAGE IDIOT WHO CAN'T HUNT, FISH OR LIGHT FIRES!
*I LOOK AT PEOPLE AND SOMETIMES THINK...."REALLY? THAT'S THE SPERM THAT WON?"
*IN MY DEFENSE I WAS LEFT UNSUPERVISED.
*IF GUNS KILL PEOPLE, THEN PENCILS MISSPELL WORDS, CARS MAKE PEOPLE DRIVE DRUNK, AND SPOONS MAKE PEOPLE FAT.
*MY DECISION-MAKING SKILLS CLOSELY RESEMBLE THOSE OF A SQUIRREL WHEN CROSSING THE ROAD.
*SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER LEFT UNSAID. AND I USUALLY REALIZE IT RIGHT AFTER I SAY THEM.
*WE OWE ILLEGALS NOTHING; WE OWE OUR VETERANS EVERYTHING.
*CAMPING: WHERE YOU SPEND A SMALL FORTUNE TO LIVE LIKE A HOMELESS PERSON.
*IF MY BODY IS EVER FOUND ON A JOGGING TRAIL JUST KNOW THAT I WAS MURDERED SOMEWHERE ELSE AND DUMPED THERE.
*IF MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL, WHY DO CHURCHES BEG FOR IT?