A few chuckles...

roundball

Old Mossy Horns
Contributor
*I WAS DRINKING AT A BAR SO I TOOK A BUS HOME. THAT MAY NOT SEEM LIKE A BIG DEAL TO YOU, BUT I'VE NEVER DRIVEN A BUS BEFORE.

*I THOUGHT GETTING OLDER WOULD TAKE LONGER.

*A WISE MAN ONCE SAID NOTHING.

*RESPECT YOUR ELDERS; THEY GRADUATED SCHOOL WITHOUT THE INTERNET.

*I'VE DECIDED I'M NOT OLD; I'M 25 PLUS SHIPPING AND HANDLING.

*WHY DO I HAVE TO PRESS "1" FOR ENGLISH? DID AMERICA MOVE?

*WE HAVE ENOUGH GUN CONTROL; WHAT WE NEED IS IDIOT CONTROL.

*BEHIND EVERY ANGRY WOMAN STANDS A MAN WHO HAS ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT HE DID WRONG.

*INSTEAD OF "SINGLE" AS A MARITAL STATUS I PREFER "INDEPENDENTLY OWNED AND OPERATED".

*PATIENCE: WHAT YOU HAVE WHEN THERE ARE TOO MANY WITNESSES.

*LET'S STOP SENDING MONEY TO OTHER COUNTRIES AND LET THEM HATE US FOR FREE.

*VEGETARIAN: ANCIENT TRIBAL NAME FOR THE VILLAGE IDIOT WHO CAN'T HUNT, FISH OR LIGHT FIRES!

*I LOOK AT PEOPLE AND SOMETIMES THINK...."REALLY? THAT'S THE SPERM THAT WON?"

*IN MY DEFENSE I WAS LEFT UNSUPERVISED.

*IF GUNS KILL PEOPLE, THEN PENCILS MISSPELL WORDS, CARS MAKE PEOPLE DRIVE DRUNK, AND SPOONS MAKE PEOPLE FAT.

*MY DECISION-MAKING SKILLS CLOSELY RESEMBLE THOSE OF A SQUIRREL WHEN CROSSING THE ROAD.

*SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER LEFT UNSAID. AND I USUALLY REALIZE IT RIGHT AFTER I SAY THEM.

*WE OWE ILLEGALS NOTHING; WE OWE OUR VETERANS EVERYTHING.

*CAMPING: WHERE YOU SPEND A SMALL FORTUNE TO LIVE LIKE A HOMELESS PERSON.

*IF MY BODY IS EVER FOUND ON A JOGGING TRAIL JUST KNOW THAT I WAS MURDERED SOMEWHERE ELSE AND DUMPED THERE.

*IF MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL, WHY DO CHURCHES BEG FOR IT?
 
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